so, i've not written in here for a bit and i'm running out of options to maintain my sanity. i feel like my life is being run through, as if it's jsut a part i'm playing. not actually me. i know i can do better, i know i can make an effort, not only to progress as a person, but to become more satisfied with myself. right now i live with my mother and brother, i work at wal*mart, and i do nothing productive otherwise. some days it's as if i'm watching my body and mind go through the routine motions, but i'm not really there with it. another thing that doesn't help is that i'm good at almost everything, but don't like any one thing enough to want to persue it as a 'career'. *sigh* most dis-heartening. my s.o. lives about 60 miles from me, and i only get to see him on the weekends. friday afternoon till sunday night. i love him. dearly. he has a house, land, good job, car. in a word, security. he doesn't want to have kids. ever. which almost breaks me, having kids is one of the few things that i really want from my life. one of the others being a visit / quasi-permanent move to ireland. in any event... i'm in complete control of the situation. i'm just sitting still. and brooding. which is very bad and destructive for me to do. so... i think that's it. yeh.